Important Disclaimer
This website is for educational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. If you are experiencing a mental health crisis, please contact a licensed mental health professional or call the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline immediately.
Learn the Skills
Four evidence-based skill areas, organized from basic to advanced. Each builds on the last.
Distress Tolerance
Survive crisis without making it worse
📚 Basic Skills
- Distraction: Do something else (ice cube, red marker, rubber band snap), pleasurable activities, pay attention to others, leave the situation, tasks/chores, counting methods
- Self-Soothe: Engage all five senses—sight, sound, smell, taste, touch—to calm the nervous system
- Improve the Moment: Imagery, meaning, prayer, relaxation, one thing in the moment, vacation (brief), encouragement
🎯 Advanced Skills
- Radical Acceptance: Accept what is without judgment; release the fight with reality
- Safe-Place Visualization: Build and rehearse a mental sanctuary you can return to
- Cue-Controlled Relaxation: Pair a cue word ("relax") with deep breathing until instant association
Key principle: These buy time. You’ll still address the problem—but once you’re regulated.
Mindfulness
Attention as a trainable skill
📚 Basic Skills
- Observe: Notice without words; watch sensations, emotions, thoughts arise and pass
- Describe: Put words to experience without evaluation ("I feel tightness in my chest" not "This is awful")
- Participate: Fully engage in the present activity; become one with what you're doing
- Non-Judgment: Drop "good/bad" labels; stick to facts
🎯 Advanced Skills
- Wise Mind: The overlap of emotion mind and reasonable mind—intuition + logic
- One-Mindfully: Do one thing at a time with full attention
- Effectiveness: Focus on what works, not on being "right"
✨ Deepening Practice
- Thoughts as Passing Events: Notice thoughts arise, peak, and dissolve—you are not your thoughts
- Three-Cue Habit: Pick three daily triggers (door handle, kettle, phone) and pause mindfully
Key principle: You can’t stop thoughts or emotions, but you can change your relationship to them.
Emotion Regulation
Work with emotions, not against them
📚 Basic Skills
- Identify & Label: Name the emotion precisely ("disappointed," not just "bad")
- Check the Facts: Does the emotion fit the facts? What’s the evidence?
- Opposite Action: If emotion doesn’t fit facts (or makes things worse), act opposite to the urge
🎯 Advanced Skills
- ABC PLEASE: Accumulate positive emotions, Build mastery, Cope ahead; Physical health (sleep, eating, exercise), treat iLlness, avoid mood-altering drugs, balancE eating, Sleep hygiene
- Build Your "Signals → Skills" Map: Pre-plan which skills to deploy when you notice specific emotion patterns
Key principle: Emotions aren’t the enemy. They provide data. The skill is responding wisely.
Interpersonal Effectiveness
Get what you need while keeping relationships and self-respect
📚 Basic Skills
- DEAR MAN: Describe, Express, Assert, Reinforce — then stay Mindful, Appear confident, Negotiate
- Practice Scripts: Rehearse one small ask with warm-but-firm tone
🎯 Advanced Skills
- GIVE: Be Gentle, Interested, Validate, Easy manner — keep the relationship
- FAST: Be Fair, no Apologies, Stick to values, Truthful — keep self-respect
- Low-Stakes Reps: Try GIVE/FAST in casual conversations before high-stakes ones
Key principle: You can ask for what you want and honor the other person’s response.
Ready to Practice?
Knowledge is the first step. Practice is where transformation happens.
Go to Practice Page →